How to Actually Relax, Enjoy and Sleep Better During the Holidays

Feat. Simplexity episode with "The Sleep Doctor" Michael Breus

The holidays have a funny addendum attached to them that no one tells you about as a kid. That is, they can be very stressful. But in all fairness, rarely has the youngest sprite been asked to cook a meal for fifteen people, which probably helped keep that fact underwraps for so long. Back then, it was about time off from school and presents (and snow, if you were lucky). Fast-forward to living alone, having a million and one people you still need to buy gifts for, no time–or money–to do it, oh yeah, and you have a shift at some place where the customers can’t help but complain that the Christmas music your store is playing is annoying. This you know, because you’re the one who's been standing there listening to it all day.

Cut to 2020. Our sleeping and eating habits have been disrupted for the past six months with a strange work/life balance that never leaves home (and no longer adheres to a bedtime). Admittedly, a cookie has sometimes been the only thing to get us through a day of existential dread. It’s like we’ve been living in the week between Christmas and New Year’s since March. With the holidays actually approaching, it would be pretty easy to roll right into 2021 hand-in-hand with our insomnia and pizza. Hey, I’m not judging. We’ve all gotta do what we gotta do. But, how can we relax and enjoy ourselves? The answer: de-stress and get better sleep.

Experts have often suggested getting eight hours of sleep a night, and if you’re currently thinking “well that’s not me” join the club. Most people are so used to operating within sleep deprivation that they don’t even realize how it’s been affecting them. Physically, sleep deprivation can lead to a weakened immune system and weight gain along with a slew of other things. Mentally and emotionally, it can lead to mood changes and trouble concentrating. And the holidays only pile onto this. It’s hard enough feeling shot from getting only four hours of sleep, but adding on a dinner with your mom’s cousin (who has very different political views from you) could short-circuit even the most level-headed person.

On a recent episode of Simplexity,  Sleep Doctor Michael Breus joined me to talk about the physical and psychological effects of sleep. He explained how information is processed in our unconscious state, including both data as well as emotions. Although this might come as a surprise to some, the holidays are not always a blissful experience for people. Removing a benchmark of happiness to reach takes a great deal of pressure off your shoulders–and let’s face it, no one is cheery 24/7. No shame in that! 

Life also throws a lot of unexpected stuff our way, so the more prepared we are, the more space we give ourselves to deal with things that do go wrong. In that same regard, it’s crucial to remind ourselves that we can’t control every little thing that happens during the holidays. So what if you burned dinner? Take a breath, sit down for a second and if you’re able, start over. Give yourself a break. You’re doing great, I promise. 

Be flexible. As much as it helps to have a schedule, we pressure ourselves to live up to what we think the holidays are supposed to look like. Holidays are wrapped up in tradition, and there’s often the notion that they have to be exactly as they were the year before, or even ten years before. I understand it can be scary to throw a wrench into what you’re used to, but I think 2020 has given us a lot of practice in that category. So this year, use your past holiday experience as a reference for yourself when considering what has and hasn’t worked. 

Setting boundaries can also help create a safer emotional and mental space for you to enjoy them. We’ve all heard (or lived) the horror stories of holiday dinners gone wrong. These dinners have been comedic fodder for decades. And while we might be laughing now, these types of situations can quickly become toxic. For many, the holidays include polarizing family members finding their way to the kitchen table. Add in the charged political climate, and you have a recipe for some extremely uncomfortable situations. Boundaries are key for combatting this. Uncle Bill will probably say something outrageous at the dinner table, but if you’re already aware of the likelihood of this happening, preemptively plan how to take care of yourself should conflict arise. Going into the holidays with a plan in place can help reduce your stress. 

In all truth, the holidays may always be a little stressful, but reducing the tension by better managing your to-do lists and obligations can help lead to better sleep and overall well-being. Remember, this is supposed to be fun, so if it’s not feeling that way, you can make a change. Excuse yourself from the dinner table when necessary. Scream into a pillow. Go to bed early (WATCH: try these tips from Dr. Breus). Practice mindfulness. Ask for help when you need it. Take a day off. A little truly does go a long way when it comes to self-care, and we all have to start somewhere, so why not begin this holiday season?